I am two weeks away from finishing my degree. I am an assignment away from completing my BA in Professional Communications, with my last assignment due on August 4, 2013.
But for some reason, I am f r e a k i n g o u t.
No, it’s not because I am still undecided on which paper to write about (I am writing it on animal testing for cosmetic products, when buying makeup to enhance our beauty is not just a “#firstworldproblem” to turn a blind eye on; it is a “#globalproblem” that we are guilty of – smearing blood on our face disguised as powder blush.) In fact, I am quite excited about my last paper, as I will be referring to the International Tradeshow of Makeup Artists event later this month (a hobby that I picked up in the past couple of years; no, not being a professional makeup artist, but watching OTHERS put on makeup. On YouTube.).
No, it’s not because the paper is due tomorrow (see first sentence again).
No, it’s not because I haven’t had the time to split my ends, chipped a nail, got the wrong flavour of ice cream or even forgot my password for the umph time to log in to my Moodle account for school (nope, not even that!).
I am a bit freaked out as I am hesitant to complete my final paper. Although everyone is having a field day here and there knowing that the end is near, I, on the other hand, am scared. I am scared; I am freaking out; I am unsure of what to do. After going to school continuously since I was in primary school, to elementary, to high school, to Kwantlen Polytechnic University and now finishing it all up with a degree at Royal Roads University, for once in my life, “student” would no longer my primary occupation.
Plus, it is weird knowing that what has been consuming my life forever, or even the past two years (Royal Roads) will finally come to an end (until I have to return for convocation). Heck, I spent my last two birthdays there in Saanich, BC (in Victoria) for the residency portion of my degree.
The thing is, I like school because it gives me a sense of order. And I know that “learning never ends” but I know that in a sense, this is the day I’ve been waiting for since that time I said no to biology in Gr. 12 (to graduate from it all, duh).
Perhaps I am overthinking this as usual, but I know that I am a sentimental person. But this time, I’m not even being too sentimental. I am just unsure of what will be ahead of me after getting my degree. What is the “real world”? Am I already living it or is there more to it?
After being used to the student lifestyle of all-nighters, pushing for deadlines, procrastination and sans the social life, which foot goes where and what to do from here?
I’ve always been a busy gal, always looking for something to think about.
Perhaps graduating will give me the opportunity to pursue things I’ve always wanted to do? Would my insomnia be cured eventually? Would I go out more? Would I stress less?
I know that I would like to revisit these activities:
- read more (or read a novel at least…I haven’t finished one in for.ev.er!)
- blog more (practicing writing = improvement)
- bike more/work out more (health is wealth!)
- less of “I can’t go out tonight, student life.”
Perhaps I’m the only one who feels this way. And maybe I will go back to school. Or maybe I will experience other things that are not so academic.
But I hope that I feel better after I complete that last assignment; that one that will seal the deal. And perhaps, I should distract myself from all this freaking out, by starting that paper. *Sigh*. TTYL, student life.